A funny thing happened...

WELL....we have just started to settle down from the whirlwind that has been the past four weeks. God has a way of answering prayers, and definitely has a sense of humor as well. The morning after our last post hit the web and Facebook, we got the call we had been waiting for! We had a July 6th courth date! That's right, we had a little over a week to book flights, choose travel options in Ethiopia, choose a hotel, plan and pack for a life changing trip around the world! Chaotic and overwhelming are the best ways to describe life after that phone call!

This court date proved to be comical as well because more than six months ago, we had purchased tickets to see "The Wall" in concert performed by Roger Waters of Pink Floyd on July 3rd. Mike has been dying to see this concert and was so looking forward to it. Although, as our adoption progressed, he began to tell everyone that he had a feeling we weren't going to make it to that concert. Well, when we got the court date, we assumed that he was right. A family must meet their child before they attend the court hearing, and it takes roughly 16 hours of flight time to make it to Ethiopia from Pittsburgh. That being said, we figured we would leave on either July 2 or 3rd, arrive in Ethiopia on the 3rd or 4th, get adjusted to the time change, meet Terefe on the 4th or 5th and appear in court on the 6th. As luck would have it, there were no flights available on the 3rd, and it was more expensive to fly on the 2nd than it was to fly in the wee hours of Wednesday, July 4th. SO...the crazy people that we are, we both worked our full work day on Tuesday, July 3rd, attended the Roger Waters concert that evening, got home around 12:30ish and slept for 2 1/2 hours to catch our 6:30 a.m. flight from Pittsburgh to D.C. from there it was a straight shot into Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.

NOW, because we passed court while there (jumping ahead, I know) I am FINALLY able to share with you, his sweet, sweet referral pictures that we received weeks and weeks ago!! THESE are what got us through that seemingly never-ending plane ride!

We landed in Addis Ababa, the capital of Ethiopia and where our little man is currently residing in a transition house, the morning (local time) of July 5th and would meet our son in a matter of hours. Our hotel had a driver waiting for us. We arrived at the hotel and were told that our agency's employees there in Addis would have our driver for the week pick us and another family from Michigan up at 2 p.m. to take us to the transition house. I managed to contract a head cold and was dealing with congestion along with jet lag and neither of us had slept well on the plane. We opted to shower and take naps until our appointed time.

Neither of us really had any expectations, but the other family had been in Addis a few days already and had met their child earlier, plus this was their second adoption from Ethiopia, so we talked a lot on our way to see the babies. I had already spoken with this couple on the phone the week before, so we knew that our babies were born only a few weeks apart and that they were from the same village. We quickly became friends on the car ride there, and before I knew it, we were stopped outside a high brick wall with a big green and gold metal gate and the driver honked his horn. The gate door creaked open and revealed a few older children and some smiling caregivers who had been out playing in the courtyard. We then went into the home, and were told by the head caregiver (whom I have come to develop sincere admiration, respect and love for) that the babies were asleep. I didn't really know what that meant for us, and the other family said that was fine, let them sleep, so I assumed we would just wait in the sitting area until they woke. Instead, the head caregiver escorted us through a door and down a hallway, passing plenty of eager toddlers, and into a room with three cribs along the left wall and two along the right. The very first crib held little Terefe, fast asleep, and with significantly less hair than in those pictures. This actually threw me off and Mike had to say, yes that's him. I was looking for a full head of hair! She reached down and gently started to coax him awake. He did not want to wake up. He even batted at her at one point! But ever so slowly, she got him to open his eyes. She picked him up and pointed to us and said "Momma" and "Dadda." At least I think she did. My head was trying to process it all so quickly and I was so excited, and wanted to just tell him right then and there how much we love him. Then the caregiver said, go to your momma, and she handed him over to me!

(We have video of the whole thing, but the video will have to make it into a future post, as we are having some technical issues getting it onto our computer)

First Family Photo!

And of course, as Pittsburgh parents, we knew there was a basic necessity we had to bring for our new son:

We were thrilled to see how strong and healthy he seems (barring a little congestion...but I was in the same boat!) The head caregiver told us there were still some spots on his head where his hair hadn't come in, but where it had come in was getting really long and he was looking silly, so they gave him a hair cut! We just fell in love, hair or no hair! 

So without further ado, we'd like to introduce you to Knox Michael Terefe Pillitteri! 

We got to spend a few hours with him that first day in Addis Ababa, and I know we will never forget them! We spent seven days in Ethiopia and there is no way we can squeeze it all into one post, so I will leave you with our best family photo which was taken on July 6th, right after we passed court and our adoption was finalized, making him legally ours! And that's where we'll pick up the next post!

The Pillitteri Family

The Wait

This.

Wait.

Is.

Killing.

Us!

You would think by now we are used to the waiting game. After all, we started our adoption journey in August of last year, but since we’ve seen our baby’s face, we just can’t wait to get there and meet him and hug him! It has now been three weeks since we officially accepted Terefe’s referral, and we are still waiting to hear about a court date. The court date will determine when we travel to meet our handsome little man, so naturally we are getting antsy, waiting for news.

In the meantime, we have been learning more about our baby, Ethiopia, and basking in all of the excitement!

We have learned that we won’t really know how T’s birth name is pronounced until we get there. Our caseworker told us that we can try to look for an audio pronouncer online, but that it likely will sound different in-country, so we haven’t even bothered. We did decide we will keep his birth name as a middle name, and are still waffling on his first name. We have it narrowed down, but can’t make a final decision. I was hoping that we would have to have it by the time we travel for court documents and U.S. Embassy paperwork, but I am told we actually will have to change his name once we are back here in the U.S. So there goes the idea of a looming deadline that would push us to decide! Trust me, once we have the name, there will be a big announcement!

Several people have asked about his ability to recognize his name, how that will affect changing it and if he is hearing any English right now at the transition house.

1.      I am told his name is actually being used quite a bit right now and he would indeed recognize it. (not sure if I have shared with you all, but in Amharic, Terefe means ‘he has been spared’. Such a profound choice by his birth mom!)

2.      I am told that many babies’ names are changed during the adoption process and that the transition should involve a blend of both names, gradually phasing out the birth name.

3.      He is not being spoken to in English. There would not be a reason for his caretakers to know English, they are all Ethiopian, mostly speaking Amharic. As you can imagine, developmentally he will be thrown a curveball at first, but I have been reassured by a few different specialists and experts on this topic that he will adjust just fine.

NOW, you might be asking, “Why change his name?, Especially if you really like his birth mom’s choice?” Mike and I have discussed this a lot. We both feel that our child will stand out as “different” in a lot of ways and that in this one way, especially early on (think preschool, elementary), we feel that we can help him feel a little less unique. YES, I think we should all embrace our differences, but let’s be honest the world doesn’t necessarily agree. Watch the evening news any night of the week and you will see that. We also love and respect his mother for giving us such a beautiful gift and we want to preserve this precious tie to his roots so we have chosen to move his birth name to a middle name. We feel that when he is older, if he would like to go by his birth name, it’s there as an option. I know there are many different ways of viewing all of this, but this is what we feel is best for our family. So, with that, stay tuned for a name announcement!

Adoptive families are encouraged to bring donations to the transition house or orphanage where their child is. We currently are trying to figure out what all we are bringing. As you can imagine, formula is a big need. We’ve also learned that toothpaste and clothing for older children and caretakers are in big demand, as are baby clothes. Luckily, my sister has been awesome in saving a lot of my one-year-old nephew’s clothing for us to take with us. In fact we have so much that I have been eyeing up the piles and our suitcases and wondering how it’s all going to fit! I can say this is a trip that I definitely don’t know how to pack for. Luckily, I know a lot of parents who have already done this. They will be a valuable resource!

I also picked up a book last week that I have heard a lot of very good things about. “There is No Me Without You” by Melissa Fay Greene. She is a mom of nine, five of them adopted, four from Ethiopia. Greene is also a journalist and wrote this book to tell the true story of an Ethiopian woman who started a movement to help her country’s orphans. I can’t wait to dive in and share my thoughts!

 Lastly, I found this great little entry in another adoptive families’ blog. The mom who wrote it gives Tips for Supporting Adoptive Families I think she provides some great insight. I know I frequently get questions that people start with "This might be a dumb question, but..." I promise, I've yet to actually hear a dumb question! I know a lot of people don't know much about the adoption process. I don't mind answering anything! So, until next blog...feel free to send me your questions...and keep your fingers and toes crossed that we hear travel dates soon!

 

It's so true!!! And all it took was one photo!

Referral Day!

Referral Day!

Who knew “Lucky 13” would turn out to be so lucky?!?! I am thrilled to be able to tell you about our referral day!

Our adoption agency has a Yahoo group for all of the parents in the Ethiopia program. It is a great way for us to all stay in touch, track progress and raise and answer questions. Frequently on this chat board, parents will post the exciting news that they have accepted a referral. We approached the end of May without much of any news of that sort on the chat board, so I expected there wasn’t much action happening with our agency in the month of May.  Being as we were number 13 the last I had heard, imagine my shock when we got a much different phone call on Thursday, May 24^th!!!!!

I was at work and saw an out of area number pop up on my cell phone. I decided to ignore it and keep working. Only a minute or so later, my desk phone started ringing, and the caller-ID said AAI (our adoption agency). I picked it up, expecting that our caseworker had a question for us. She asked me if it was a good time to talk, and I said yes (never dreaming what was coming next). She said she was calling because she had a referral for us! I said “NO WAY!!!” She laughed and said that I sounded shocked. I had to explain to her that my manager had just asked what type of progress we were making on the adoption front, as she and I are trying to prepare for my absence during travel and time off after our baby comes home. In what is now laughable, I had told my manager, “Oh nothing’s happening. As far as I know, we are still number 13. We will get another update from our agency at the end of the month, but I think it will be another few months for referral.”

Now, hours later, here I was listening to our caseworker tell me about our wonderful little guy named Terefe! He was born December 3^rd and has big eyes and a full head of beautiful curls. She went through all of his medical background and plenty of other information with me over the phone, and kindly said, “Don’t even try to take notes, I am emailing you all of this as well.” Thank goodness, cause I didn’t listen and still took notes…those notes are by far my worst chicken scratch ever! Too much excitement! I was definitely shaking!

Our caseworker went over this all with me, and he seems to be in pretty good health. He is staying in our agency’s transition house, which from what I can tell, is smaller than an orphanage and it is run by our agency, so he is now in their care, which is nice. I then tried to call Mike. A coworker answered, I asked that she have him call me as it was important. Ironically someone in his branch joked with him that I must have been calling cause a stork dropped a baby off for us…little did she know! When Mike called back I told him he’d better sit down. He asked what was up- I said “We just got a referral.” A very shocked Mike said “No kidding!” He quietly listened to me explain everything that I knew, and share the best part for him- that it’s a boy! Then reality must have started to kick in, because his speech pattern gained speed and he kept saying “We have so much to do! So much to do!” (Remember that crib?....... It’s still not put together!). I told him that despite having the email with the pictures of our baby sitting in my inbox, I would wait to look at them until we were at home and we could look together (this was SO HARD!). My coworkers knew something was up so I had to tell them, and they can vouch, I never peaked at those pictures! My manager graciously offered that I go home early so that I could be there when Mike got home and we could see this little guy. I took her up on that offer, and of course got stuck in some SERIOUS Pittsburgh traffic (never fails), and made it home at the time I normally do.

It was love at first sight! We were sent three photos of him sleeping that provided a great profile shot and a great look at his ringlets. Two others were of him wide-eyed and awake. One of these is a full-body shot in which we think he looks pretty long! The other is a close-up with a big grin! He looks like he enjoys a good time (and that he might like to cause some trouble?!?!?). We definitely agreed that he is adorable and we noticed how crazy it was that Mike’s “lucky” number has always been 13, so to think, the last we knew, we were 13 on the wait list, and then, we got a referral! We just hoped that there were no causes for alarm with his referral review.

His referral contains several pages of medical background from a doctor that examined him at the orphanage as well as any other notes that may have been made by caretakers either prior to the orphanage or while at the orphanage. The really fun thing is that you get to see it all in Amharic and translated in English. Of course, Mike and I are capable of reading the English version and saying “sounds great” but it is recommended that a pediatrician with experience in International Adoption review the referral and pictures.

We sent our referral information to the pediatrician the following day (Friday, May 25^th) and waited for most of the long weekend with our fingers crossed, although we didn’t expect her to find any major issues. Of course she called Sunday while we were at church and she was gone by the time we tried to return her call. We ended up finally talking with her on Tuesday, and she said that from what she can tell, he is a fairly healthy guy. Although, to be honest, she says that these referrals are fairly limited in information, several pages really just tell you that he isn’t missing any major body parts and that he can do things that most babies his age can. She also went on to say that these medical assessments can be skewed too, because who knows how the baby is acting or feeling that day for the 10-30 minutes being spent with him. In a way she said, there’s really no good way to know how he’s doing, other than his measurements. He is currently underweight, which is to be expected, but is by no means malnourished. He is long for his age as well. She says the best way to ensure his health is to continue to monitor his measurements as often as we can until he comes home. With that, Mike and I said, “He’s ours!” In some ways, it’s risky. I know a lot of people would like more concrete information, but we figured, it’s not much different than having a biological child. No matter how you become a parent, you’re really hoping for the best, but knowing that a multitude of things could be wrong, or go wrong down the road. From here on out, we are just praying for continued health!

We officially accepted Terefe’s referral on Wednesday, May 30^th and haven’t stopped smiling since! We are not sure how to pronounce his name, even our caseworker who is pretty good with Amharic, says she’s not sure on this one and that we will have to wait till we are there, as even Googling it won’t turn up the same result as how it will sound in Ethiopia. Consequently, Mike and I have started referring to him as “T.” We will probably move this to his middle name (after learning how to pronounce it). No we have not yet decided on his first name- there will be a big announcement when we do. For now, we are just trying to get the house and the dogs ready for his arrival, cause it’s going to happen before we know it.

Once we officially accepted T’s referral, our agency’s staff in Ethiopia began filing our paperwork with the court system there. We are now waiting on our court date. We are told that we probably won’t hear about that for another two weeks, and when we do, it will likely be two to three weeks from then. If all goes well, we could be in Ethiopia by the second week of July for our first trip!

The first trip is the longer one. It is meant for us to meet the baby, see the country and his home village and of course, appear in court, testifying that we have met him and want to proceed with the adoption. Once we do that (which I just learned will be all of five minutes), the paperwork begins to finalize the adoption and get him a passport and visa. After about 7 days in Ethiopia, we will come home, without T.

If all goes smoothly from there, which we are REALLY REALLY praying for, we could be headed back by the end of August to bring him home!

We can’t thank you all enough for sharing in our excitement and for all of the well-wishes! The number of texts, Facebook messages, hugs, and calls has been overwhelming in such a good way! We feel so loved and know for certain that this little guy has a strong network of family and friends cheering him on and already in love! We can’t wait for the next step in the journey!

Lucky Number 13!

As of May 1st, we are lucky number 13 on the wait list! The good news is that we moved three spots in a month. The even better news, hopefully, is that our agency seems to have been assigned a significant number of orphans, so we are hopeful we will see even more movement in the coming weeks!

We've been pretty busy since our last post. First, I wanted to share with you a very sweet gift from my Aunt, Tia, as I have always called her. She said it's my maternity shirt:

You might not be able to read it, but it says "Adopted children are born of the heart. Baby on Board!" Mike and I both thought it was so sweet!

We spent a large part of the past several weeks filling out paperwork to apply for a grant through Show Hope. It's a non-profit organization founded by Steven Curtis Chapman that mobilizes individuals and communities to meet the most pressing needs of orphans in distress by providing homes for waiting children through adoption aid grants, and life-saving medical care for orphans with special needs. As of April 30th, our application was in their hands. Now we are just waiting, and hoping for some good news on a grant! 


In the meantime, we took a trip to the health department to get several of the vaccines recommended for travel to Ethiopia. We've now been vaccinated for Yellow Fever, Typhoid, Tetanus/Diphtheria/Pertussis, and a booster on Polio. Our doctor needs to give us two more: Meningitis and Hepatitis A. Mike thinks he'll be invincible when we're done. I don't know about that, but I am hopeful we don't have any complications from any of these!


On the last Saturday in April, we finally joined several local families for their monthly tradition of eating at Tana restaurant. Each of the local families have at least one child adopted from Ethiopia, and they meet once a month at Tana to have great Ethiopian food, let the children play, and of course share experiences. This was our first time attending, and it was so great to see all of the kids! We knew some of the parents from our classes at the Children's Home, but it was also great to meet new families as well. We actually discovered that one of the families lives just a five minute drive from our house! The owner of Tana is Ethiopian, and he loves getting to see all of the children. He spent some time playing with them and took them on a "tour" of the kitchen. There really seems to be a great sense of community! We look forward to many more gatherings with these families, and of course, the great food at Tana!


As for an update on the nursery, not much has changed. We still haven't found enough motivation to put that crib together. We'd better find some soon though! And finally, before saying so long for now, I need to share with you a gift from my very dear friend Sarah. She says she just "had" to buy this for Baby Pillitteri:

Does she know us or what?! Hopefully Baby Pillitteri will have a sense of humor. In our house it is a necessity! Take care everyone and we hope to bring you some great news soon!

16 and Waiting!

We are number 16 on the wait list! After officially submitting our dossier to Ethiopia the first week of March, we learned at the close of the month where we sit on the list of waiting families. Our agency will provide us, at the end of every month, with a summary of activity/progress for the prior time frame. The March summary was the first update to include us. Every month now we will be able to read how many families have received referrals, how many have travelled on their first trip (to attend court) and how many have brought children home.
While it is exciting to know where we stand on this list, we can't get too caught up in the statistical side, as the list is open to change at any time. For example, there are many families ahead of us who have specified a gender preference. There are also a lot of families who are adopting two children, families who are adopting older children and there are also families who have set the same parameters that we have "either gender, 0-12 months." The agency allows any family to change these parameters at any time, therefore potentially changing wait time in either direction.

Needless to say we are thrilled to be "just waiting" or "officially expecting" as some of my relatives have put it, and we look forward to updating you on our latest "number" every month. If all goes as planned, which we hope and pray that it will, we should be home with the newest Pillitteri in the late summer or early fall.

In the meantime, we have been spending our free time preparing for Baby Pillitteri's arrival.
We bought a crib (we have yet to assemble it. I think we will wait till we are feeling adventurous) we also purchased a stroller and have even started a small stockpile of diapers (larger sizes, as we have no way of knowing what size to expect initially).

I myself have also spent free time thinking about our little one, who most likely has already made his or her debut in the world. I pray that he or she is kept safe and healthy and I pray for the safety of his or her family. I know that the circumstances that have or will lead to our child's arrival at an orphanage are not easy ones. I just ask for God's hand to bring comfort and peace to those who will be giving us the greatest gift we will ever receive. I know that He has great plans for us and we both are excited to meet the child He's chosen for us.

Dossier Sent!

Great news today! Our agency informed us that they received our dossier and actually sent it to Ethiopia yesterday! When I received that email today at work, I actually let out an excited gasp! That means we are officially done with the great paper chase - now we just sit and wait and pray everything goes smoothly and quickly!

The Starfish Story
One day while walking along the shore,
the wise old man looked down the beach,
and saw a gracefully dancing human figure.
The wise old man wondered out loud,
“Who would be dancing all alone on the beach?”
He began to walk faster to catch up.
Getting closer, the wise man saw that the dancer
was a child, who was not dancing at all.
The child was reaching down to the sand to pick up
something, and was very gently throwing it into the sea.
The man called out to the child,
“Good Morning! What are you doing?”
The child paused, looked up and replied,
“Throwing Starfish into the sea.”
Surprised, the man said,
“Yes, I see that, but WHY are you throwing Starfish into the sea?”
The child smiled brightly, pointed upward and
with perfect simplicity replied,
“The sun is up, and the tide is going out.
If I don’t throw them in, they will die.”
“But, don’t you realize, “asked the man,
“that there are miles and miles of beach and Starfish all along it?
You can’t possibly make a difference!”
The child listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another Starfish,
threw it gently into the sea, just beyond the breaking waves,
and joyfully declared!
"It made a difference for that one."

This is my favorite adoption poem!

Big News!

In the past month and a half, Michael and I have been very busy gathering the final documents to complete our dossier. Two weeks ago we were THRILLED to receive our I-171H from the USCIS (permission from the U.S. Government to adopt internationally). It came in the mail much earlier than we anticipated, and we still had a few other documents that we needed to have notarized. We spent the following week getting those taken care of, and then sending some of them off to the Pennsylvania State Department for certification. Essentially what that means is that the state verifies the notary.

This past Saturday, we received those two documents back from the state, and we are VERY excited to report that as of today, all of our dossier documents are now out of our hands!

We had to gather the roughly 30 notarized and certified documents and send them to a courier in Washington D.C. called the Assistant Stork! They will then take our documents to the State Department for authentication. At this point they will bind everything, legally speaking, into two documents. A Power of Attorney (granting our agency the ability to act on our behalf) and our Dossier. Once the State Department is done authenticating them, the Assistant Stork will then take the documents to the Ethiopian Embassy in Washington, D.C. When they are done, our dossier will be sent to Ethiopia and we will OFFICIALLY be waiting! We are told the process in D.C. will take about 7-10 days. I pray that the U.S. Postal Service treats our package with care and that it arrives at the Assistant Stork intact!

Now to the part that will have us feeling like kids counting down to Christmas...the waiting! Once our dossier arrives in Ethiopia, we will officially be put on our agency's wait list. At that point we just sit back and wait for a referral. We've heard from a lot of adoptive parents that this is the hardest part. I think for the time being I won't mind it, as it means I am not busy chasing down paperwork, but I know I will get antsy too!

I admit, I have been turning into a bit of a sap the older I get, and there is a song out now by Christina Perri that makes me smile and get a little misty eyed whenever I hear it. It definitely makes me think of the little one we're so close to being blessed with! 

"I have died everyday Waiting for you 
Darlin' don't be afraid,  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me 
I have loved you for a Thousand years 
I'll love you for a Thousand more"

I am sure I will be humming along to the radio as our wait continues! I will also fill our waiting with more updates and information on Ethiopia, adoption and tell you about what we're doing to prepare!