These classes will not only educate us about our growing family and what we can expect in the coming months and years, but they also have allowed us to begin to develop a network with other local couples on our same journey. In fact, in our first class we met three other couples also adopting from Ethiopia. They even get together and maybe eat at some local Ethiopian restaurants, or just let their kids (some of them have already adopted once or have biological kids) get together and play. I think this connection will be very valuable for our family and our child, particularly to be able to know other kids like him in so many ways.
Our first session was titled "Medical and Developmental Issues: It's not as scary as you think." It was led by Sarah Springer, M.D. I can't say enough about her - she will become an invaluable resource for us, as she is right here in our city and has an incredible amount of experience with internationally adopted children. In fact she even just finished chairing the Section on Adoption and Foster Care for the American Academy of Pediatrics. She shared a lot of the challenges our baby may face before and after he or she comes home. Some of it is a little hard to hear, but she was very reassuring that many of these issues aren't specific to adoption and in fact she sees kids really start to take off and develop almost at warp speed once they come home to their families. Mike and I will certainly be using her as our pediatrician. She also will be able to help us when our referral finally comes! A referral is a when our adoption agency matches us with a child and sends a medical background (whatever is known- but we are told these are often somewhat incomplete) and a photo if possible. She has plenty of experience in looking at these backgrounds, suggesting additional information to ask for, and very honestly laying out to prospective parents what it will take to be parents to that child. Obviously, as with a birth, there are no guarantees that good health will always be the case, there can be underlying or unknown conditions that haven't surfaced and plenty of things that doctors here couldn't know about, but from that point Mike and I will be able to fairly confidently accept the referral or decline and wait for one that we are more comfortable with. It sounds almost cruel to me to have that option, but at the same time, as I already said, there is never any way of knowing for sure what you are getting into - and being able to have confidence in our ability to parent the child with as much as we can know about him or her, is reassuring.
Our second session, "Adoption as a Lifelong Process" was also interesting. It was led by Mary Graber, M.A., she spoke to the psychological aspects of adoption and how children process the idea of adoption very differently throughout their lives as they begin to more fully understand what it means. She is the adoptive mother of two children who are now young adults. It was interesting to hear her experiences. She definitely left Mike and I with a lot of food for thought. What has also been great about these sessions so far is that one of the "students" if you will is a social worker with Catholic Charities of Pittsburgh. She was also adopted from South Korea as an infant and is now 40-years-old. These sessions spur a lot of conversation and it's been wonderful and thought-provoking to hear her perspective as an adult. She talked with us at length last week about preparing ourselves now to be able to handle racism in this country and city. Obviously we are aware it exists and that our new family will draw attention, but when she shared her experience of her first day of kindergarten, my heart broke. She said her classmates threw out several slurs to her and of course she went home very upset. Granted, this was 30-some years ago and in rural Utah, but it still could happen today, right here in Pittsburgh. I have spent a great deal of time thinking about how to react when we are out with our child, but I suddenly realized I can't always be there. This fear for a child when he or she is on their own is one I am sure ALL parents have, regardless of bloodlines, and it is now something I am already thinking about. It is our responsibility to give him the tools to handle himself responsibly and respectfully and to never doubt his value or worth or our love for him. What a challenge!
Our social worker contacted us last week and we are hoping to have our first meeting with her this last week of October. We are required to meet with her four times. Three of which will be at her office, and one at our house. I have been trying to teach our maltepoo and Golden Retriever how to be on their best behavior for that visit, we'll see how that goes!
I can't wait to share more with you as we start this next step. I am really antsy to get the homestudy wrapped up so that we can get our dossier together and get it sent to Ethiopia! Once that happens, we will officially be on a wait list for our baby! For now I thought I'd share this super cute onesie that I can't wait to put on our little one...
